i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
