they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
