Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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