Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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