he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
