You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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