actually, I'm a sock model
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
