So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
