What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
