Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
