The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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