I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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