I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
