i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
