Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
