Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
