Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You ate ashes out of my bong
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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