There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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