when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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