I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
ttyl tear gas
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
