thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This baby is an asshole
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
