Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
