I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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