I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
