my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
