Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
