i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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