So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
