You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
