Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
