You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
