So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sext me about skeletons
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
