I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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