fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
