I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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