well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
