I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
