nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
