Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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