Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
