My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
