It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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