I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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