just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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