I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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