she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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