Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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