I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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