If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
