Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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