I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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