and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Even my vagina gasped.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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