We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
